Super, super Shaw. Super Leo Shaw.

[LewisMead]

Sweaty palms covering my sobbing blue eyes. The floodlit ground cast a dreary shadow for my future; it was the end. The end of my extravagant footballing career, and what felt like my life.

”Super, super Shaw. Super, super Shaw. Super, super Shaw. Super Leo Shaw.

The fans chanting my name as I walked out on my second family, without even raising my fists for a fight. I couldn't fight, there was no way I could win it.

Emotions running high, my ears still ringing and my heart still full of passion. I couldn't quit now, I was meant to be in my prime!

[LewisMead]

5 years earlier...

”And it's Shaw bursting down the right, can he get a cross in here, no. He's been caught there and he's down in agony clutching his left knee. That looks like the end of his game.”

End of my game? More like the end of my fucking career. I'd torn my posterior cruciate ligament. I'd stopped suddenly on the ball and the prick that ruined my career didn't stop, smashed into my left knee and that was that.

Twenty-three years of age, one of England's finest prospects and a first team regular for the team I'd idolised my whole life, West Ham United. My life, was sheer bliss up until the point of impact with my knee. If I was in a fit state to chin the fucker who crippled me, believe me, I would have. I had to undergo surgery on my knee, not once, not twice, but three times. Each time I was becoming more infuriated until, eventually, I said no to another operation on my knee.

Was that the smartest thing to do? No, it was stupid. But, I couldn't take it any more. I was only twenty-five and I had already had more operations than an arthritic donkey. I had more drugs in me than Pete Doherty and was sleeping nearly 16 hours a day! Is that the way a twenty five year old should live?!

However, I was determined that I would play again – without surgery. My ligaments were at least joined together now. I would just have to enter rehab to try and get my fitness back up and give my knee it's strength back.

[LewisMead]

Two years, two long hard fucking years to get me back to being able to train again. I thank West Ham for keeping me (albeit on little to no pay) and I was determined to prove to them that they made the right choice in keeping me.

”Leo mate. I think you're about ready to be recalled for the squad. Congratulations, you're coming with us to Derby.”

My jaw hit the floor, I was utterly speechless. Tony Carr (a long time servant of West Ham, rewarded the job when Zola's inevitable fuck up happened), told me I was back in the squad. All my work had paid off. It took me four and a half years to get back to the point that I was in a squad. Sure I was only on the bench; and yes West Ham were now a mid table Championship side. But I was back baby, nothing could bring me down...

[LewisMead]

”Leo, get your jumper off. You're coming on!”

The ultimate dream. Back in business. As the crowd saw me warming up a huge roar erupted in the small away section that West Ham had been allocated. As I entered the fray, every fan was clapping for me. My eyes began to well up, but I knew I couldn't cry on the pitch; there was a game at stake here after all!

Late on in the game the ball came to me. Dribbling through the confused defence all I needed to do was slot the ball into the bottom corner. The ball trickled just wide, a lack of match practice? Nerves? Whatever it was it left me feeling that I could've shown the world that I'm still as great as ever.

”Well done out there Leo. You really showed everyone what you're made of.”

Tony Carr trying to consolidate me as I was visibly annoyed with myself after my woeful miss.

”I didn't. I cocked it up like I always do.”

”Stop putting yourself down all the time. You were running through their defence like a good 'un. It takes bollocks to come out good after what you've been through mate, and don't you forget that. ”

Tony's words rang in my ears for hours afterwards, and I took them to heart. I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself any more. I wanted to push myself further in what I can do, I was determined to reach the peak of my ability yet again.

[LewisMead]

The next few months were spent in the gym. Regaining my former strength and agility, I was always the first in and the last out of training. Pushing myself as far as was humanly possible.

I was in the gym when my embarrassing ringtone began to go off.

”Leo, I have to talk to you. I thought you should hear it from me, before rumours begin to circulate.”

Tony sounded really anxious and upset.

”Make it quick then mate, I've got things to do you know...”

”Well you know that your contract is up in two months time...?”

I hadn't spared a moments thought for my contract, but was all this anxiety really over offering me a new contract?

”I didn't mate, but anyway, continue.”

Tony swallowed hard.

”Well; Leyton Orient have made an offer for you.”

”Tell them to go fuck themselves mate.”

Just as I was about to slam the phone down, Tony spoke again.

”No, no. The board. They've accepted over my head.”

I was in a state of shock One step away from curling up into a foetal ball and sobbing until I was red in the face.

”I... think you should take it mate. The board refuse to let me offer you a contract. I'm sorry...”

My phone was threw to the floor, smashing into hundreds of bits. I was wrong about the foetal ball being the next state, it was time to go on a massive binge...

[JammyNUFC]

Ouch - good start though, i like it

[LewisMead]

Originally Posted by JammyNUFC

Ouch - good start though, i like it

Thanks. The beginning was the part that I was most dreading the most for people's opinions. Later on it does get better.

[LewisMead]

Downing endless alcopops one after another, I'm pretty sure they could have illuminated the streets, was the only way I could get my mind off football and West Ham. They'd fucked me over. I spent four years, four long, gruelling years to play for them again. How do they repay me? By flogging me as soon as possible.

”This how you plan on spending the rest of your life then? In a shitty little bar, necking god knows what?”

I knew that voice. It was the woman who got me back on the straight and narrow, Emily Cartwright. She was working in the rehab that I was at; not only did she work there she stopped me from entering a wicked spiral of depression. Here to do it again I expect. But how the fuck did she know I was here?

”Look, Emily. Could you kindly fuck off?”

Not the kindest thing to say to the person that stopped you from wanting to break everything in sight. Then again, she got me back into football. I saw that as getting me into this mess.

”No Leo. I won't. Look at you. Do you remember what you felt like 4 years ago? You would have killed to be back in football, and now look; you're trying to kill yourself to get out of it.”

She always did have a way with words. I began thinking back to the time me and her used to spend with each other. The more I thought about it, the more I realised how much she meant to me back then and how much I missed her up until now.

I turned to reply, but was immediately overcome with her beauty. I'd forgotten just how radiant she truly was. She was wearing a black cocktail dress that showed off her amazing figure and I just couldn't get any words out in reply to her. Emily had clearly noticed that I was completely go smacked.

”You know Leo? I think me and you should have dinner together sometime. Purely as friends of course, and you can get everything off of your chest.”

My eyes must have lit up like a little kid on Christmas. She handed me her number and left the bar as quickly as she'd entered it. I was still left wondering, why the fuck had she turned up?!

[LewisMead]

I called Emily, and we did meet up at the finest Italian restaurant the east end has to offer, yeah my thoughts exactly. The food wasn't terrible, but all I really cared about was that I was with Emily and could finally get everything off of my chest.

I spoke about everything from my love of football to my school days. She began to open up to me too.

”Leo, this has been great. Beyond great even...”

”It has been hasn't it, thank you for...”

Before I could get any more words out Emily gave me a gentle, but loving, peck on the lips.

”Erm... what... er... was that for?”

My mind had drifted away. This girl was amazing, and she apparently felt the same way towards me as I felt towards her.

”I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.”

”Sorry?! I would have done it myself if I'd thought you felt the same way.”

Our eyes met, and my troubles disappeared. I never wanted to let her go. She had saved me not once, but twice!

”How about we go back to my please for some coffee?”

Emily said that with a twinkle in her eye and gave me a sly wink. She didn't have to ask me twice, I rushed out behind her with a smile on my face for the first time in ages!

[LewisMead]

”I'm sorry Leo, I know it's been hard for you; having to leave the club you love and everything. But you don't even want to say goodbye to your fans?”

Tony was desperately trying to get me to play for West Ham one last time. I didn't need his pity. My contract was up in a month and a half; I'd refused to hold talks with Leyton Orient. I felt that, if I held off for long enough that West Ham would want to keep me. Of course this was ridiculous, but I just couldn't bring myself to let go of the club I loved so dearly.

”You know what Tone, I will. But, I'm telling you – if this is going to be my last game for the Hammers, the I'm going out on a high note.”

With me finally accepting my inevitable fate of leaving West Ham; I felt it was the right time to arrange a meeting with Leyton Orient. Perhaps this chapter in my life would have a happier ending?

[LewisMead]

”You'd be on just under £1,500 a week for a year as a sort of trial run. Now if this all sounds alright to you, please sign here...”

The short, chubby man was a mockery of football really. I know that all his job is that he deals with players coming in and out of the club, but really? How can he have any idea about football when the only time he moves is get another pie.

However, I still put pen to paper despite my head telling me I should just laugh and walk away.

”Thank you very much Mr. Shaw. I hope that you can help be the start of Leyton Orient's big push for glory.”

I rolled my eyes and left the cramped little room. Although, things weren't as bleak as I'd first thought though. Orient were on the up. They'd recently been bought by someone with more money than sense, and were trying to buy there way to the Premier League.

Well this guy really has been pretty influential. Before he took over they were 16th in League 1. Within 4 months of him being there they've pushed themselves up to 5th and are on the best form of anyone in the league. To think, if they were to go up I could face my beloved West Ham; wouldn't that be a lot of fun.

Whilst I was dreaming of my life next season, I still had business to wrap up this season. It was about time I went training again with West Ham (I hadn't been for just over a month), ahead of my last ever appearance with them.

[Spav]

I don't know why you're concerned about the beginning - the quality is excellent. I'll certainly keep reading this effort.

[LewisMead]

Originally Posted by Spav

I don't know why you're concerned about the beginning - the quality is excellent. I'll certainly keep reading this effort.

I hope to get writing more very soon; but I'm still quite far ahead so there should still be regular updates.

[LewisMead]

”I'll be in the stands watching you love. Don't worry, it will all be fine.”

Emily was really just advancing my nerves, but she's been a rock for me. I really don't know I would've have coped without her this past month or two.

”I'm sure it will be. I just don't know how I'll cope when it's all over.”

”Well, I'm sure I'll be able to help calm you down afterwards.”

She let out an adorable little giggle. Well at least that's something to look forward too. I gave her a kiss on the forehead, as I had to make my way down to Upton Park for the last time.

Whilst driving along I relived all of my great memories with the club. When I got my first goal for them, the winner in the F.A Cup Semi Final and perhaps best of all; my return after injury. Could today be another day to relive over and over? I was determined to make it so.

[LewisMead]

West Ham – Leeds

Here it is; the big clash in the chase for the play-off's! With only 2 games left this game could prove vital for the victor. Leeds are the favourites for this clash being priced at 12/5, with West Ham not far behind them according to the bookies, pricing them at 3/1. A draw is considered the most unlikely outcome here as both of these teams combined have only drew 11 all season, and that is priced at 7/2. Leeds are 5th at the moment, but are by no means a dead set to be in the play-off's, a loss here could really dent their chances at success.

West Ham currently lie just out of the play-off's in 8th place, a win for the Hammers could see them leap into 5th place. Two points currently separate these two teams and whoever the victor is here will surely have the momentum to push for promotion.

Keep your eye on Leo Shaw. Rumour has it this is his last game for the Irons, that could push him either way; the game of his life, or the game of his nightmares. We'll just have to wait and see.

I'm predicting West Ham to edge it in a thrilling encounter, and I expect Shaw will play his heart out; as he used to week in, week out. Over to the match now...

[The Khan]

This is good Lew, i'll admit I didn't like your first few posts (a bit vulgar for my liking) but yes, i'll be following this!

[LewisMead]

Sitting in the West Ham dressing room for the last time, I begin to try to focus myself for the game ahead.

”Okay lads, I don't need to tell you how important this game is. If we can beat these scumbags we're in a great position to go on and get promoted from here. I want 110% from every single one of you out there, go get them!”

Words of encouragement from the gaffer goes into one and out the other for me, but I wasn't going to fucking about out there. I was going to prove that they're losing a legendary player here. As I started the walk down to the pitch, Tony gave me a tap on the shoulder.

”Play your heart out mate. Show the fuckers what they're losing, but just know, that I went to the end of the Earth to try and keep you.”

”I know you did mate.”

Whether it was bullshit or not, it's always nice to hear that you're wanted by someone. The walk down the tunnel seemed strangely long and the echoes of Bubbles added to the eeriness of the scene.

This is my house of mirrors;
This is my only home.
Thousands of people surround me,
And, yet - I'm all alone.
The cold wind is my only friend;
Only it, can hear me moan.
As this is my house of mirrors;
The place that was my home.

[LewisMead]

This part is entirely made up, so please excuse the bad coverage and names.

”Leeds win the toss and will kick off the first half facing their own fans. Leeds dominate the early possession and West Ham are looking nervy. Little action until the 12th minute when Leeds break down the right hand side and whip a fabulous ball across. Stevens gets up above a nervous Wilson, a great save is forced by Marek Stech; you can really see why so many Premier League clubs are after him!

That close shave seems to have livened West Ham up a bit, they're beginning to regain control of the possession. Some neat interchanges by West Ham in the centre of the park, and Shaw who started off quietly is starting to show his class with some nice flicks.

It's a Leeds corner, can they score against the run of play? No. It's straight into the hands of Stech, who pumps the ball up towards the centre forward, Laric. The break could be on here as Laric takes it passed one defender, Shaw has arrived in support and receives the ball. It's 2 on 2 here. Shaw touches it passed the last defender, it's a tight angle can he squeeze it in... he's played it across to Laric to knock it into the open goal! Great play by West Ham, and they take the lead in the 26th minute.

The game closes up a bit as West Ham look to hold their lead for the time being and Leeds are still shell-shocked. Slopping passing from both sides. However, Leeds have the ball in the final third here - with men up too! They push the ball out wide to whip it in, it cannons of the defender and out for a corner. Murphy to take. The ball's whipped to far side of the area and it's headed back across... a real scramble as West Ham struggle to get it out of there box. The ball drops to Idawi, the Leeds centre half, he smashes it goalwards, but a heroic block by Leo Shaw! He flew in front of that ball, and that keeps it at 1-0 to the irons.

A few minutes left in the half and West Ham have their backs against the wall. Leeds are pushing for the equaliser, but West Ham have held firm so far. Leeds have the ball in the Hammers half again, but wait, no. They've been caught in possession by Shaw, he's putting his soul into this performance! There's only one man back here, Shaw runs at him and glides past him with ease! Just the keeper to beat now... can he finish? He tries to bend it around the keeper, but it's parried just wide. A golden opportunity for West Ham to have a firm grasp on this game.

And that's the half time whistle. West Ham lead by one goal to nil, but should be two up!”

Table as it stands:

Team Pts

5.) West Ham 68
6.) Hull 68
---------------------
7.) Leeds 67

[LewisMead]

My mind is just a blur. I should have scored, I should've fucking buried it.

”We're half way there now lads! Don't cock it up now. Get the second goal as early as possible then shut up shop. Don't concede any stupid goals! Leo, you're running them ragged; keep it up!”

What? It hadn't even entered my head how I was actually performing, I've just been too angry about the miss to notice. The lads seemed ready, my mind had to refocus quickly as half time was already over and we were trotting out for the second half.

[LewisMead]

The Leeds players looked up for it, we needed to knock their confidence as quickly as we could. Straight from the off though, they were down our throats. Pretty quickly they had the ball and were looking dangerous. Every cross into the box had the fans biting their nails.

10 minutes had passed and we'd barely even had a whiff of an opportunity, but our defence was holding firm. Until, a break down the right, a ball whipped into the middle; Stevens is the first to react, he leaps and it cannons in off his head. Shit! I was just a spectator of it all watching from outside the box. We needed to regroup, and fast!

”Just keep the ball lads, and don't lose your fucking heads!”

My words of encouragement couldn't have lived long in the memory of my team mates as within 30 seconds the ball was back with Leeds. They were knocking it around in the middle of the park with great ability, we looked ragged and we were tiring, fast. Silly fouls were being gave away, we were putting ourselves under unnecessary pressure.

Yet I was no better. Near the byline, going nowhere. What do I decide to do? Take his fucking legs.

”Do you want some then mate?”

This piece of shit had clearly been annoyed by my tackle and squared up to me

”Fuck off will you mate.”

I threw the ball at him to take the free kick, it was thrown with some power though. He got right up to my face.

”Fucking come on then...”

I turned and walked off as the referee stopped him coming after me.

We still had this free kick to deal with and it was to be taken by set piece specialist Murphy. A lovely curling ball over my head, I turn around and see Stevens execute a brilliant diving header into the bottom corner.

Just 21 minutes into the second half and they'd already fucking turned it around.

”Get your heads in the fucking game lads!”

Yet again, the ball was lost almost instantly. It looks like I had to do it myself. I chased every pass they made and just tried to harass them into a mistake. My team mates cottoned on to what I was doing and began tightly man marking again. Soon they were giving the ball away nearly every other pass.

We were now dominating them in every sense of the word. The shots were flying in, but they still lacked conviction.

“One, two Laric!”

I played it to Laric and got it laid on a plate for me to shoot. I caught it like a dream, it whistled into the top left corner and we were back in it. I immediately ran to the fans, sliding on both knees and punching the air. They bellowed my name, and that gave me the fuel I needed to run riot in this game.

”Come on! Just over ten minutes left, get them straight from the off!”

We did exactly that. Charging every ball down. Marking every player. Being accurate with every pass. But still, there was just five minutes left and if we were to make the play-off's we needed this game to be a victory. Idawi blocked down a shot from our left back Hughes and the ball dribbled out for a corner.

Everyone in the ground was on their feet as I went to take the corner. I curled it past the man at the front post straight onto the head of Wilson! It rattles the bar and is scrambled out for another corner! I go to take it again, when...

”Leo, LEEEEOOOO! Get in the box. Let Aaron take it!”

It was Tony urging me to get into the box. I took his orders on board and made Aaron Reed take it. It was an absolute peach of a ball in. But no one attacked it and Idawi (Leeds' centre back) got there first. But it skimmed off of his head across goal. I instinctively put a leg out and what do you know? It went in!

I went berserk. I jumped into the crowd and started hugging every fan in sight! My shirt was off and being waved above my head. When I finally got out of the crowd I crumpled my shirt up and launched it into the crowd.

Needless to say the referee didn't take too kindly to this.

”I really should show you a red. But, given the situation; I'll let you off with a yellow.”

A referee with an ounce of decency? What next? By the time Leeds finally got to kick off there was under 30 seconds to be played. Perhaps the longest 30 seconds of my life, and a 30 seconds where my bodies adrenaline started to run low and I could feel the aches and pains of my legs.

The full time whistle was blown, and I had done it. I'd kept my promise and gone out in style!

[LewisMead]

Sweaty palms covering my sobbing blue eyes. The floodlit ground cast a dreary shadow for my future; it was the end. The end of my extravagant footballing career, and what felt like my life. But I'd gone out on a high, and I had a new life now, Leyton Orient.

”Super, super Shaw. Super, super Shaw. Super, super Shaw. Super Leo Shaw.

I waved good bye to then fans that had been so loyal to me. I saw Emily making her way down from the stands and I greeted her with a kiss full on the lips. This got a fair few whistles from the crowd, and Emily nervously waved to them.

”You were brilliant out there love. Absolutely brilliant.”

”She's right you know Leo.”

Tony came out of nowhere behind us.

”Fuck me mate, frightened the life out of me.”

I said that jokingly, but did actually shit myself in case it was that Leeds player from earlier; I'm not going to lie, I was!

”Ha ha. Well, mate, I wish you all the best with Orient, we'll keep in touch. I'll make sure of it.”

He left with a smile on his face, and left me with one on mine.

”After all that love, I fancy a drink.”

I left my second home with a great sense of pride that I'd done all I could for them; even if they hadn't done that for me...

[LewisMead]

Summer past by swiftly as I began preparing for life in League 1, unfortunately Orient didn't manage to overcome Tranmere in the play-off final. However, a small sense of joy was restored to me when West Ham failed, miserably, in the attempt at rejoining the Premier League. A little part of me was chuffed to bits that they had crumbled in the play-off's.

My last game at West Ham has given me a real insight to where I am physically; in the shitter. I could barely move for the next two weeks after the match, so my summer has been largely spent in the gym and trying to restore my fitness. I've also been trying to get myself of the painkillers that I have had to take the past few years to control the pain in my knee. I'm not too sure if it controls my pain or if it just controls me; well it's about time I found out for sure.

Emily has been a truly brilliant support for me, never putting me down and backing me in every I do. She'd also gave me a lot of “relief” (if you catch my drift). I'm pretty sure that the Kings of Leon were singing about mine and Emily's sex; it really was on fire!

The squad here seem like a bunch of characters, but with a huge number of non-English speaking players it's hard to determine the true nature of their personalities. A few lads in particular stand out from the crowd; most notably a young exuberant lad, Ian Nkosi. He was only on loan with us for a year, a bit strange considering he'd been a regular with the boing-boing Baggies – but I suppose new manager, new squad, eh.

Ian Nkosi was always a barrel of laughs, a real prankster. He was of African descent (can't for the life of me remember where though!), and I'm pretty sure he was the most successful player from that country of all time, or at least was destined to be. He really did remind me of a former me, forgetting the difference in race and nationality of course. I just hoped that for his sake his career was more successful than mine; I am determined to do everything in my power to do that too.

[LewisMead]

Sometimes I forget just what a raw talent I really am. Put all my injury problems aside and I'm sure I could've been playing week in, week out with the best of 'em. This league, really was nothing for me; being able to get at least two assists a game is a bit of a worry. Look at me, complaining about being too successful. As you can probably tell from my rant on this terrible league, we're pissing it. Six games, six wins, 22 goals and only 4 conceded; really?

I knew this chairman of there's was influential, but fucking hell! This squad really was at least championship level already, numerous players in the team could probably also cut it in the Premier League. It really is good to be with lads that have a decent sense of humour; although I loved West Ham immensely, there was always a lack of fun in the squad. One person I'd got particularly close with was, Wayne White.

Wayne was a young lad who had a similar upbringing to mine. He's the last remaining player from the Orient side before this sugar daddy of a chairman joined; and you could see why! He had such an amazing technique on and off the ball, this kid really was destined for greatness. And what really tops it all off with him, he likes his drink just as much as me.

We'd often come into training with tall tales of our wrong doings the night before; most of which are utter nonsense really and were just what we liked to think had happened. Nevertheless, it's great to have someone so similar to you that you really get on with.

Myself and Emily have unfortunately began to see less and less time of each other. She works in the city and I'm always at training; we're becoming two ships that pass in the night, with me coming home late and her already being in bed and then being gone when I awake. Still, I am sure it will pass, I'll talk to her about it – I'm sure we can work this out, after all she is usually really understanding; not as much of late though...

[LewisMead]

”Emily, can I talk to you about something?”

I decided that it was about time I spoke about us being so distant now.

”Whatever you want hun.”

I swallowed hard, and just came out with out. Everything that had been bothering me just flew out.

”Well, we've been so distant lately. We rarely talk, we see about 30 minutes of the day with each over and even then we don't discuss anything!”

This had clearly distressed her, she was beginning to panic. My first thought was that it was my though, I had just dug too deep.

”I'm sorry, I love you!”

It just blurted out of my mouth. My reasoning behind it was non-existent really, I just thought that saying that could somehow calm her down. It didn't. She burst out crying.

”I'm sorry love, I should have never brought it up. Can we agree to just forget about it?”

”No, no, it's not that.”

”I've... I've... been seeing someone else.”

My self-loathing soon turned to bitter, hateful rage. All this time. All this fucking time I'd spent worrying about us, and she's banging some other geezer behind my back. Wait, who was the geezer?

”I promise to you. It means nothing! I love you Leo.”

I stared blankly at her. Disgusted with he, disgusted with myself.

”Who is he?”

I had a face of stone as I asked; no emotions – I couldn't show them else I'd been breaking several laws.

”It doesn't matter who he is. All that matters is that I love you!”

”Who the fuck is he?!”

She was completely petrified - frozen in fear.

”Err... erm...”

”Don't play games with me love. Just give me a name.”

She remained silent and stared blankly at me for what seemed like hours. I turned to leave, I needed a drink...

”It's Ian!”

Ian, who the fuck is... No, it couldn't be. I swiftly turned back around and starred at her.

”Ian Nkosi?”

No response. But I didn't need one, the guilty look on her face said it all. I made my exit as quickly as possible, as I slammed the door behind me Emily screamed:

”Don't do anything stupid! Please Leo, I love you.”

Don't do anything stupid? That's rich coming from a tart who can't keep her knickers on.

[LewisMead]

I'm going to kill him. I'd shown him around town, I'd introduced him to all my friends... wait. I introduced him to Emily. I'd inadvertently set them up?!? I buried my face into my hands and let out a small tear. Emily had taken my heart and broken it into a thousand pieces; along with my heart she'd taken my will and my desire to play football.

Football was just another mundane chore that had to be done without her; when I was with her, it was a breath of fresh air to my usually uneventful life. How that's changed now, my life is now more eventful than one of those comically strung together soaps.

Mood swings were becoming more frequent day upon day, and life itself was just one big piece of shit in my eyes. But, I had business to attend too now; the business of Ian Nkosi. What did I have planned? I certainly didn't know, but I wouldn't really like to be in his shoes right now. I'm sure Emily has been on the phone to him telling him all about how I'm going to tear him limb from limb, if that is the case – so be it. There was no way he could be more prepared than me, an emotionally drained wreck, who now only lives to destroy everything.

Before I paid my little visit to Ian, I decided it would be best for me to drown my sorrows, it's not like I had anywhere to get a good nights rest now anyway. Emily, the utter bitch, was still in 'our' apartment. So I had been kipping wherever I was able too, which wasn't very frequently judging by the reflection of the mirror. All I had left was my impending insanity and a £20 note in my back pocket.